so much hate for the ones we love.

i've successfully finished year 12.
i did it. well done frances.

schoolies in four days, should be good for a break.
graduation in two weeks.
then im officially an adult who must get a job and aimlesly work for the rest of my life.

+ i want to i will be going to belgium, it the first country i would like to travel too.

life is grand, kinda.

my favourite movie was matilda.
uh, such good memories. i learnt all the words to it as a child, and thought i was pretty damn cool when id show off to my friends.
and yeah come to think of it, no movie really beats the fun of it.

 Okay, I keep having these brief bursts of 'I can do this', this is of coarse in response to year 12.
Then I get these big doubt sessions of I cant do this. my god, I can honestly say i've never experienced something so stressful. This even beats my past relationship, I thought nothing could be worse than that. I'm hoping its going to get easier. But, yeah.. no.

Anyhow. I'm officially a non-smoker. (since 5th of january)
My boyfriend has moved into a house with his two best mates and are both chicks which, yes, was worrying to begin with, but honestly.. no competition there.


( ohhh yeah. survey )

ive been told i look like many celebrities.
my i think and have been told by a few people that i look like tilda swinton.
also ive gotten nicole kidman haha.

Year 12:
im trying to be really positive and juice myself up for all my classes. but its just too hard.
im incredibly dumb. i cant even fucking figure out a question for a sac next week. i cant do this. i dont think im goinfg  to make it to graduate.

for whomever created this survey, wow.. this was shit. and no i didnt do it, i just read it and laughed.



( stereotypes )

i have been the biggest neat freak for the last week.
(cleaning windows, dusting things, washing walls, cleaning out and reorganising stuff.)
i suppose it has something to do with not smoking.
woo, tomorrow it will have been two weeks without one.
man, imagine -
- your friends smoke.
- every person in your household smokes.
- seeing people on the street smoke.
- and still, you dont even want to touch one.
fuck, im still so proud of myself + so is everyone else.



( surveys! )

honesty is the key to a relationship. trust is the main functioning of a relationship. i have come clean. the guilt of everything i have kept in my head and heart has been revealed, although it wasnt easy. i told of my most demeaning secret. i was judged and looked down upon, yet my boyfriend still came through in the end. and for that i am so thankful for.
from this point on -
i am honest and direct.
i improvise morality.
i refrain from chemical substances.
i steer clear of certain people who influence this upon me.


so simply put. im changing bad habits. im not changing myself, im just minusing the bad shit.
yeah and 10th day of no smoking.
C'mon. i rock.

khjkgbnf. anger. sadness. happiness. gah and everything else.

I must've had the shittest day. full of anger, agitation, irratation and sadness.
its funny though. one call. three words. thats all it took to make everything just dissapear.
im in love with this boy. i want to grow old with him.


( surveys. )

my body is a witch.
i am burning it.

house on haunted hill. probably because it was the first horror scary movie id watched and i was only like 6-7.
but the movie that still scres me and makes me nervous to go to bed or anything.. would be blair witch project.
come on.. tell me it doesnt scare the shit out of you?

i fucked up. so fucking much. 
this guilt is over-powering everything i do.
i cant escape it. i cant run from it either.
all i can do is let it over-ride my mind, heart and soul.
and then it will go away, right?

( surveys. )

This is a really strange thing to write about but here goes:

for the last few years i never wanted to have children. and in two days i have completely changed my mind.
im constantly paranoid about falling pregnant, because i dont think the pill is accurate enough.
and statistics show that 1 in 4 teenagers in my state alone fall pregnant. that is a huge number.
i also had this dream last night i had a baby.. and it had my current boyfriends eyes, and they were so gorgeous and it was.. and im sounding scary. i dont want to fuck up my life, and thats exactly what would happen if i had a baby at this particular time.
also, one of my friends is two months pregnant.. but her life was pretty much already screwed up. i dont doubt she'll be a great mother, not to mention she has support from her boyfriends whole family, she practically lives with them.
anyway. all is im trying to say is. i cant wait to have a child.
my mind has been changed.


( surveys. )

 well, life seems pretty averagely boring to me.
not much has been up, schools back, i havnt skipped yet and im three days in.
me and aaron are great.
me and my friendships are great.
my self esteem has been lower then low for the past few years, yet lately i can feel this boost coming up.
Thailand very soon, im shitting myself.. something is going to go wrong.
eh, see.. not very interesting.
oh wait, im either going blind or im getting some sort of conjuntivitus. PLEASE be conjuctivitus.
yes.



( yeah... surveys. )

 my hair is now officially... BLONDE. with black at the back.
yes, i went through the pain to do it.
and im not so sure if it was worth it yet.
ill be straightening it soon.. so we'll see how it RREALLLY looks.
</div></div></div></div></div>

( i didnt want to leave it out for the world to see. )

 i cant help but think that mine and aarons relationship is heading for the dumps.
easily put, i think im starting to see the real him.
i've always hated violence, and fuck.. he practically destroyed someone, although this other guy started it.. still..
He is the kind of guy that in school i would hate.. because he would be in the 'cool, popular kids' group. and i hate them all.
and yet i went and fell for him.
but lately, its started to stink. and im afraid its only going to get worse.
he practically lied to me, he made an excuse so he didnt have to go to my friends party with him. well fuck him. im going to have an even better time with him not there.
okay, bored.
+ i miss travis so much.

surveys:


( ROCK AND ROLL MUSAAC. )